The story of K

The Story of K. 

For her protection I am not going to publish her name, just simply call her K. My close friends know her.

Back in November of 2012, when I was moving to the Boston area and only into my new job for 2 months, I had been active on eHarmony for close to three years (THAT is another blog too!), I was contacted by K. She sent me an "icebreaker". I sat on the icebreaker for a while before deciding to contact her back.

When I sent her the communications, she responded and we went quickly through the communications phases until getting to the point of emailing. We started emailing in Mid December and then we started texting back and fourth. She was going through a lot of medical stuff and we ended up putting off meeting until just after the new year.  We met one night in front of Target, as I needed to get something in there (A trash can) and she needed some stuff at the mall. Having only seen pictures of her and talking via text and phone calls, I had no idea what to expect. When I met her, I couldn't believe it. She was gorgeous! Long dirty blond hair, she was shorter than me, very pretty smile and a pretty face. We hung out there and went for some drinks afterwards , and there was an instant connection. It felt like I had known her for years, and she said the same thing. Things went on and we hung out the next three days in a row, and it got pretty intense. We started dating then. Although it was never a relationship, I felt like she was my girl. We had a pretty good start, talked a lot, hung out a lot, really seemed to get along well. We both had completley different backgrounds. Her father passed when she was young, she had two older brothers, one who got into a lot of trouble, and herself finding a lot of trouble. We also had very different personalities. I , being who I am, uptight, anxious, she , on the other hand, was calm , cool, collected. But we both have huge hearts, care a lot about people, and we just clicked for some reason. But this is where things began to setup for us to end up not working out. We were not on the same page. I thought of her as a girlfriend, she only thought of me as a guy she was dating. She was still single in her mind. The further got proofed when she started talking to another guy from a town about 25 miles away. He had contacted her through Facebook and a game, and they started flirting very heavily. She was within three days of meeting him before he backed out. During this time, I was devastated. I thought for sure she was going to go meet him and choose him over me. But as luck would have it, he ended up annoying her, even though they talked a lot longer than I had known (her Birthday is in mid April, I thought for sure they had stopped talking by then. I only found out much later , they had talked until the end of April). At the end of April, though, things started to change, and for a very short time for the next few weeks, it really felt like she wanted to be my girlfriend. I had all the indications of such and she did a lot of things only a girlfriend would. (She removed her single status from facebook, talked how she felt kind of bad talking to other guys, wanted to hang out with me more often, stay overnight more often). When the weather turned warm, we were going to everything together, meeting each other's friends, families, etc. I was in love with her, but she wasn't there. There has to be this "connection", and she never felt it. In hindsight, I wish I had seen that. It was obvious. We went away to Vermont together for a really fun vacation together too. But something changed after the vacation, and the next weekend, she was very annoyed by me. We got into a big argument the following week, and then she came over to my house to dump me. But the one thing we both realized was, the base of everything we did, hanging out, seeing friends, etc., wasn't because we were in a relationship, but it was because we were such good friends. The relationship, for whatever it was, wasn't. So we decided to be friends, initially very close friends. We had a few rough months after that initial break. (She gave me a birthday weekend, spending my birthday with me, going out for the weekend and such. She even pretended to have fun, so I would be happy. She'd let me know in no uncertain terms, however, that she in fact didn't have fun with me. Basically ruined my whole weekend.). Time would go on and around November, we found a stride that worked for both of us. We could hang out, watch TV, smoke, sometimes we even fooled around, but it worked out well. In the meantime, I had started to look for someone, but wasn't very aggressive about it, because I was content. I knew she was looking too, but she didn't seem very aggressive. In fact it was very nice around Christmas, we got along very well. Then something happened around New Years, and the start of the New Year. She became very mad and stand offish (she always has these streaks of doing this) and then the next week, she started talking to this very aggressive guy on the same place we met. She met him about two weeks ago and from the start it was very very hot and heavy. It's been tough, I'll admit, to see her with a guy she actually has real feelings for. A guy she clearly liked more than she did me, when we met. (It took her four months for me to meet her friends, she took him to meet her friends the first night). While we were quick to "get close" (3 days), she got close to him the first time she saw him. Since she started talking to him, there have been some obvious changes to our friendship. The fooling around stuff ended, naturally. But she also is much more distant to me, doesn't talk to me as much, doesn't contact me or play the games we play as much either. But all that can be expected. I am still her friend, and she is still mine. And I wouldn't want my life without her in it, and she's the same. It's just been a tough adjustment from going a whole year being so close to instantly being not. And it's tough for me, because I see how happy she is with someone new, and I am still at square one, striking out left and right with my dating prospects. (The other thing that is tough, is seeing them. She has bragged about him, how much better shape he is than me, taller than me, better looking than me, and after a little nosy prodding, how much better in bed he is than me. Ugh I wish I hadn't asked any! I feel like, that despite everything, I've been a huge disappointment. She tells me I am not, but I think she says it to be nice. In her mind, I am sure I am.). I am sincerely and from the bottom of my heart happy for her, as a friend and someone I do care about a lot, I want her to be happy and satisified, which she clearly is. I just wish the same good luck would happen to me. But the way things are going, 2014 is going to be a dud year for me. :(

(And before anyone asks, she has been super nice and supportive of me since she started seeing him, saying to me more than once she is convinced I will meet someone great. I just have a really hard time seeing it, because of the strike outs. But through everything, I know she still cares and likes me as a close friend, which is why I still do as well)...

My dating history

So you will find as you read this blog, a lot of what goes through my head is my relationship with women. I have always been one of those folks who would love to have a nice settled life with a nice woman, but to only have it not happen. I have the worst luck, in fact when it comes to women. I am constantly put #2 in women's lives. For a short time last year, I was #1 to a girl, but since then, I am back to square one.

I have never been much for being aggressive. In fact, you could say, I am the opposite. You know those guys that walk up to women at a bar and talk with them and eventually get their number or end up bedding them? Yeah, not me. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues talking to women. I can be very friendly. My ex said I was "very sociable" and would have no problem finding someone. Yeah, easier said than done.

As the old saying goes, I can never "close the deal", go from beyond friendly banter to even getting a text number.

My first crush happened in 4th grade to Robin Williams. No, not the actor. The pretty girl who sat next to me in my class, who I gave my cupcake to every day. I don't know why, but I really liked her a lot.

(I still do, but not in that fashion.)

In Middle School I went to a dance with a girl, whom I spent almost the entire next year trying to kiss. (And when she was ready, I was so miffed about her taking so long, I just walked out! I wonder what would've happened?)

In High School, I didn't date a whole lot. I had crushes (including a huge one on Stephanie), but never dated.

I didn't go to any dances, but not for lack of trying. Every girl I asked out, said no. No one was ever not polite about it, though.

In College, I really didn't get to know any women there, except for one, who ended up dating a guy at the radio station I was doing work at. 

After college, was when I really started dating. In fact I had my first true love. Melissa. From New Jersey. And despite living in Westfield, we talked on the phone daily to the point we were in love. We met up in Orange Connecticut for a few times. She was my 'first'. First Kiss, first girl I was ever intimate with. All in one. At the age of 21. Things were going pretty good until she went back to college, and started talking about this guy. Thats when things changed, and without telling the whole story, it was pretty much, she was seeing him and I was an afterthought. She dumped me but then a few weeks later offered to be friends if I was so inclined. Which I declined. My first time having a broken hear too. Thank god for my friend Sean at Syracuse, who I was able to go visit (I drove from Westfield to Syracuse at 1 am), get my mind off of her. Because of that heartache, I decided I wasn't ready for a relationship, and was going to have some fun.

For the next 10 years, that's exactly what I did. I had fun. Typical single guy fun. I dated here and there. One of the women I dated threatened to kill me. I was able to end it with her by outsmarting her. I dated one who went to Mount Holyoke college. Probably one of the funnest I ever dated. Outside of the parties and sex, she was also fun to talk to and hang out with. I had a few one night stands and a few flings too. My next girlfriend came around 2001, when I met this girl Chrissy from a dating website. We went hot and heavy for about four months until it cooled off and we ended it. I dated another girl the following year (Carly?) for a very short time, but that would be the end of it. Outside of a couple quick one night things, my dating life really cooled off. In 2005, I had had my last date, until 2008. One of the longest single spells in my history (one I hope to never repeat). Then went through these spells of 1-2 years between women until last year when K came along. That's another blog for another time.

Introduction

Hi There

So this is my blog. Let me introduce myself then I will explain why I am blogging.

My name is Mike, I am a 38 yr old, single male, who lives near Boston. I work as an engineer for a very prominent place in the Boston area. I grew up about 120 miles from here, with a younger brother and two very happy parents. I went to college in Springfield, and worked nearby for close to 10 years before I moved to Providence, RI where I was settled for 5 years. I moved up here just over a year ago, and really like the area a lot.

I have a lot of issues, however, despite having a seemingly good life, with thoughts that go through my mind and things that happen to me, and am going to try something new. Instead of keeping these thoughts in my head, I am going to blog them now. Share with the rest of the world, what goes on in my head, and my troubles, so to speak. It will help me vent my troubles and look at what I am thinking (hopefully it provides me some clarity too).

Thanks for reading.

-- Mike